...Of Those Who Never Loved Me....
I'm gonna preface this by saying, "This journal entry ain't shyt. These lyrics...these feelings...ain't shyt". I'm still having a pity party....proceed...
Shoulda known, when I looked into those eyes that,
I was going to be free
From the bondage of those who never loved me
And I shoulda known, when he simply touched my hand, he would understand
All of my wants and all of my needs
You were sent alone to love me
Dear Heavenly Father.
Here's another "healing" journal entry...to hopefully heal me...but of course through the drinks and the drugs, the honesty will begin to flow...
Ain’t nothing but love (that what it is)
And it gets sweeter and sweeter
Like heaven on earth
Won’t you just give me more and more
I was born with huge dreams and aspirations for "love"...the verb...and all that it was supposed to be. I waited for the fairytale...and envisioned my sons personifying it - modeling it after their father...yet, here I sit...hungover...on the toilet...waiting to SHYT...as anticipatory a concept as waiting for love...the verb has become...but at least I know that THE SHYT has no place else to go...which is much more than I can say for "love"....
You love me baby winter, spring, summer and fall
And it’s like I’m blinded
I see no one but you at all
Just the sound of your voices give me
Chills up my spine ya ooo it thrill me when
You love me all night
Your lips speak to me in a language I never knew ooo,
But oh how I understand your heart
When it feels the love from you [HOOK]
HA!!! The "hook". What an apropos term...all of those lyrics personified...I wish that I weren't so easily consumed...so easily fooled...so easily manipulated...so easily drawn in.
I remember writing so long ago in my journal about a "wait" period from all these men - yet, I failed to heed that personal directive. I find myself trying to re-live those moments, so that I can have a re-do. Dear, God. I don't WANT to be bitter. But if this is the only haven that I have in order to be REAL...TRUE to myself...no holds barred...then DAMMIT, it is what it is. "Ain't Nuthin' But Love?" What about those of us who are left feeling, "Ain't Love But Nuthin'?"????????
~Muzikal inspiration courtesy of Vivian Green (Nothing But Love)~
